drumped dolphins...

have you ever had a friend who makes everything fun? that friend who loves you no matter how many times you make him watch xanadu....and who only gets a little mad when you staple gun his sketch pad to his desk...the kind of friend who makes you cd boxes out of record sleeves and homeade christmas cards. That one who helps you bartend you mothers parties and enjoys spray painting everything? How bout one who enjoys making up new words...in addition to new meanings for existing words. Well i have, he rules, in fact i still have him....but he moved to seattle and i miss him...plus...he's pretty funny and has the most random adventures....i asked him to liven up this boringness....to share some seattle adventuring...justin elliot tholen...the soapbox is yours:

I HAVE THIS FRIEND THAT I USED TO PUSH AROUND SALT LICK CITY IN A SHOPPING CART.WE ALSO DID SOME GATEWAY SAFARIS, COUCH DANCING, EUROTRASH MIX TAPES, DUMPING OUT SQUIRT TO FILL THE BOTTLE WITH CHAMPAGNE, AND THE SUCH. PRETTY GREAT TIMES. IN OUR ADVANCED YEARS, WE’VE BOTH EXCAPED THE SALT LICK. SHE LIVES AT THE GATEWAY TO PIKE’S PEAK (THIRD NATURAL WONDER OF THE WORLD AFTER THE EIFFEL TOWER AND THE HOOVER DAM) AND I LIVE IN A RAINY CITY IN THE UPPER LEFT CORNER. AS A RESULT OF LONG DISTANCE, BAR TABS GET PAID, PANTS DON’T GET RIPPED, CHAMPAGNE STAYS ON THE SHELF, GENERAL DECORUM IS MAINTAINED.

JK. DECORUM IS NOT MY MIDDLE NAME. EVENT OF THE WEEKEND: “BACON STRIP”, OR “AWKWARD EXPERIMENTS IN DRAG”. SEATTLE IS EDGY, DIFFERENT, KNOWINGLY-OBNOXIOUSLY-HIP, AND THE SELF-PROCLAIMED BACON CAPITAL OF THE UPPER LEFT CORNER. THIS WEEK, "BACON STRIP" CONSISTED OF SCI-FI-THEMED-MEDIUM-TO-BAD-DRAG ACTS AND BACON. OH, ALSO CAKE-SITTING, CAKE-FIGHTING, AND CUPCAKES FOR (GLENN?)(DON?)(AL?)’S BIRTHDAY. THEY FORGOT TO PLAY GOOD MUSIC. AND NO ONE DANCED. AND I HAD TO PRETEND THAT I DIDN’T SEE SOMEONE (GUH). IN ONE WORD: BUSTA.

NOT TO WORRY, I LATER GOT MY LASHES TINTED (NO MORE PESKY EYELINER OR MASCARA! NOT THAT I KNEW I NEEDED IT, BUT NOW I KNOW, AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE). ALSO – LOTS OF FUN TIMES: A HEATED NEAR ALTERACATION BETWEEN FRIENDS (EACH OTHER’S FORMER “PLUS-ONE”), A MAN DRESSED REALLY BADLY AS A REALLY BADLY DRESSED GRACE (YOU KNOW THE ONE), A BASEMENT-GARAGE-DRIVEWAY SWING (THIS EXISTS!), A CLOSED TACO STAND (NOT BETO’S), AND A STACK OF PANCAKES AND A QUESADILLA AT 4AM (MAYBE 5AM). LIKE I SAID DECORUM’S NOT MY MIDDLE NAME. NEXT WEEK: DETOX.

LOVE,
JET